Expectations – Damm, those little noises inside
What is your Type? – I was asked so many times. The question was related to guys, what kind of guys I like. Everybody was so amazed when I answered: „I don’t have a type”. They didn’t understand my point, I never understood their point. I think, they would expect something like „Oh, my type is brown hair, blue eyes. Formed body …” hehe even coming up with examples is hard.
A lot of people use labels to call others or just as a reminder. Does that make sense?
How this little story comes to the topic? I tell you:
What do we do actually when we set up such kind of expectations? WE KILL OUR POSSIBILTITES!
What is Expectation?
„A strong belief that something will happen or be the case.”
„A belief that someone will or should achieve something.”
What I say?
Expectations are putting more pressure on you and on the person towards you direct it. It not just distort the picture about the other person, but affects negatively on the relationship even if it is personal or a friendship. We see love through rose-tinted spectacles; expectation has more like black/grey one.
Expectations can be useful and damaging.
Useful if you:
- have more positive tendency but you can still keep the balance not being too maximalist
- build positive encouraging belief (but most of the time it goes towards being a maximalist that is not any more encouraging – too high expectations towards yourself)
Damaging if you:
- have more negative tendency
- build negative destructive belief towards yourself and others
- have a question mark inside: „Maybe it is too much what I expect!?”
How to manage expectations?
Most of the time people tend to use expectations on a negative way; for example, in a new relationship.
Assume now: I have a type should be the following:
- short brown hair, eyes
- strong and fit body
- sense of humor
- i want butterflies already on the first meet
- having Audi
Let’s say I put together somebody who could be a really Adonis – in my mind, he would be Princess Charming on a white horse.
What would happen if I had a date. I am well prepared, look sexy but actually start panicking, like:
- What happens if we don’t fit
- If he doesn’t have strong and fit body?
- If, if, if….
- The worst: I can’t see the Person himself / herself but the picture I created (I can suggest to watch the movie Avatar. There you can really understand the meaning “I see You”)
Our frustration will rise every time we start these discussions in our mind. At the end, if we are actually in that particular situation (in this case we have the date), we can’t enjoy 100%.
Why? I give you some reason:
- your mind is working on those expectations what you have set up with your worries, what ifs, setting up your perfect picture – you are focusing on these past “what ifs”
- you can’t enjoy the present moments as you are living your what ifs
- generates unnecessary fears towards yourself and others / situations
- demote your self-esteem and build up negative belief
- you attract where you put your intention into (doesn’t matter if negative or positive)
DO NOT LOW Your Expectations! BLOW THEM UP! Here are some tips:
- Be Honest with Yourself: do your expectations serve you or they hinder you?
- Practice to be more self-confidence, build trust in yourself
- Stay in Your Present – focus on the NOW and you won’t worry about the Future; you can eliminate your “What ifs”
- Be Aware of your Thoughts – find a “click” that makes you remember to come back to your positive state (it can be anything, a jewelry, an affirmation, a mudra…)
- Trust in your Decisions and skills: YOU CAN DO IT!
- Practice Self-Love
I just can say from my perspective. The day, I decided to eliminate my expectations changed my life (especially in my relationship). I don’t have the pressure, he doesn’t feel the push from my side and everything is just smoother.